


Guardian Angel's Dilemma

by DeathsLastPrayer



Series: A Series of Unrelated Events Starring Jean x Eren [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angel-Jean, Archangel-Erwin, Fluff, M/M, Miracles, Reaper-Levi, Reincarnated-Eren, Sins, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 05:21:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3516974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathsLastPrayer/pseuds/DeathsLastPrayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which: Jean is a Guardian Angel assigned one final task before being promoted to Archangel -watching over Eren Jaeger. He thinks it'll be a piece of cake. It's anything but.</p><p>Angel-Jean x Human-Eren one-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guardian Angel's Dilemma

**Author's Note:**

> So... there's some stuff in here about God and Heaven and what not. Don't take any of it to heart, it's just a story! And I'm pretty sure I'm 100 percent inaccurate about the workings of heaven so... enjoy!

#####  I. 

He’s told to prepare for his first assignment straight out of the academy –has something to do with ranking within the top 5 percent but Jean doesn’t ask any questions. He goes with the flow because that’s always made life a lot easier for him. So- yes. He doesn’t leave the academy as an Angel Trainee, he leaves as a Rank 10 (the lowest rank) in the Guardian Angel Division. A cushiony department with a cushy job if he’s ever heard of one. Cushiony and boring or entertaining depending on the person that gets assigned to him. 

When he shows up to the GA Headquarters, he’s instructed to meet with an Archangel named Erwin and Jean’s nervous. He’s heard all about Erwin and Erwin’s achievements and- and Jean’s nervous. But Erwin’s nice. Greets him with a smile and welcomes him to the “hive”. 

And then he gives him the rules. 

There are only three but they’re never supposed to be broken and the consequences for breaking them are severe. Whatever severe may be, Erwin doesn’t elaborate but he doesn’t need to –his stern voice and cold gaze are deterrent enough. 

Back to the rules: (1) Every Guardian is allowed to grant their ward(s) Seven Miracles. Just seven. That is to say, when their ward(s) asks for a miracle, the Guardian has the option of giving it. If a ward’s life is endangered, the Guardian has the option of saving them. It is for the Guardian to determine when and how to use those Seven Miracles as well as to determine if their ward is worthy of receiving them. (2) A Guardian is to observe, never to interfere or meddle in the life (or lives) of their ward(s). That means: no rewinding or fast forwarding time to suit the ward, no giving advice about pre- or post-cognitive matters, or shedding their wings to pose as a mortal for the sake of tampering with a ward(s) life. (3) The final rule is crucial. No communicating with a ward under any circumstances. Not through dreams or words or messages. Not in any way, shape, or form. No communication, which is defined as a discussion between the Guardian and the ward(s) assigned to them. 

Jean considers those rules simple enough to follow because they’re all kind of… hmm… rules that would require him to actually like interactions of any sort with anyone, which he doesn’t. He’s a loner through and through –it’s another reason why he took up the whole Guardian Angel path so… Whatever. 

Erwin likes his attitude and thinks the kid has potential. “ Make it to Rank 4 and you’ll be managing whole countries by yourself.” 

“What’s Rank 1?” Because Jean’s mildly curious. 

“God.” 

Of course. “Oh… Um… so Archangels are 2nd Ranked?” 

Erwin nods, “We are Gods eyes and ears. For example, I oversee all of you and your progress. We’re a machine. A machine that works to maintain life for Him. Ah, which reminds me, we have your first case.” 

Jean snags the folder and glances at the single name printed at the top. “Beowulf?” 

“Yes. He is to be born any minute now. You should be on your way.” 

“Ah, right…” His first case… 

“And Jean,” Erwin smiles when Jean turns to face him. “Have faith in yourself, I’m sure you’ll do fine.” 

“Yes sir, thank you.” 

* * *

* * *

1000 years pass in a flash. Jean’s watched over some of the most entertaining people and some of the worst. Some have been boring, some have led short lives. There have been wars unseen and wars that have plagued millions and wars that have destroyed nations. He’s watched people build and rebuild. He’s watched the world take two steps forward, five backwards, and then another ten steps ahead. 

As a Guardian Angel, he’s done his job efficiently, effectively, and expertly. He’s got things down to a system –one that others have taken on. 

He’s been promoted and he’s taught a garrison of trainees. He even has the respect of his elders and his peers and those who fall beneath him on the totem pole. 

Life is good. 

Which is why Jean is positive that his last case as a Rank 5 Guardian Angel will go off without a hitch. So he’s only mildly surprised when he steps into Erwin’s office and a file the size of several large textbooks stacked atop one another is pushed in front of him. He stares at it. 

Erwin stares at him. “I present you with the final test before your promotion.” 

“Final test?” Amber eyes stare at the initial tab- the one that reads Eren Jaeger. 

“You’ve held cases in which the soul has been reincarnated, correct?” 

“Yes…” He’s had a few. But none of their files looked like a series- “How many times has this soul been cycled through, sir?” 

“Hmm… Roughly 500 times. Very roughly. That soul was once my ward… It’s had a long run.” 

Jean frowns, “Why?” 

There are three reasons why a soul is reincarnated multiple times: (1) It hasn’t fulfilled it’s ultimate destiny –the end result that God expects. (2) The soul is rotten, has served it’s sentence, and is issued another term on earth to repent. (3) Or, when it was plucked by an Angel of Death, it made a request to fulfill some alternative goal. 

Jean’s had a handful of reincarnated souls but none have ever cycled through more than a dozen times. So, 500 cycles… thousands of years of life on earth… 

“Well, this soul is a special case. It seems to think that it has yet to fulfill it’s ultimate destiny.” 

“Being Alexander the Great or Julius Caesar or-” Jean glares at the file, “Or friggin’ Nefertiti and having all of those accomplishments weren’t good enough?” Because he’s seen some really shitty souls strive for less, end up with more, and turn out happy. 

This one… this one has, apparently, lived all sorts of lives and made history on so many levels that it isn’t even funny. And yet, it’s still going. The hell is that? 

Erwin’s laugh startles him, “This soul is… special. Perhaps you’ll be the one to help it retire.” 

Jean is nothing, if not determined. “Is that what my promotion depends on?” 

“You never know.” 

Jean, in no way, likes that cryptic answer but he goes with it and snags the file, which is heavy as all hell- 

“Take a day to look it over. Eren’s not due to be born for another three days. Good luck!” 

Good luck… Jean doubts it. The file is heavy and stacked and when he finally gets to his barely used office and takes a look, he doesn’t know what to make of things. This soul has been… everywhere. Genghis Khan, Amelia Earhart, Catherine the Great, Tesla… this soul has been a number of great people –has done a number of great things, and yet, it’s still just out there. What the fuck is that about? What is it looking for? What does it want? 

Jean sits and he skims over close to 200 of the 500 files, all with outstanding accomplishments of some sort –whether small or big. This soul has been in many different bodies. Has walked many different paths. Whatever it’s searching for, Jean hopes it- or, well, he at the moment- can find it. 

See, Jean has this gut feeling that his promotion depends on helping this soul retire. Or something along those lines so… So he’ll get it done. No matter what. 

#####  II. 

Jean’s in the room when Eren Jaeger is born and the first thing that he notices are gorgeous piercing blue-green eyes that look right through him. And then Eren’s pulse starts to fade and his mother is panicking and his father is making demands and Jean knows that the kid needs a miracle or he won’t live so he does his job- he dishes out Eren’s first miracle. The miracle of life. 

He does it because he’s curious about what type of life Eren will live this time around and he does it because it would have been way too easy to let things end right there. 

So Eren is resuscitated and the Jaegers are ecstatic. On the other hand, Jean’s already used one of the Seven Miracles and the brat has barely dented his life. 

That says a lot about where they’re headed. 

* * *

* * *

Four year old Eren thinks he’s a walking miracle and Jean kind of believes it a bit himself because the kid has almost died over a dozen times but he has incredibly good fortune. Like the time he was two and should have drowned in the community pool but learned how to swim at the last moment. Or when he was three and he fell down the steps and should have broken his entire body but he happens to land on his forgotten and discarded winter clothes so he leaves off with just a broken leg. 

Jean’s always surprised by the incredible luck or fate or blessings that this kid has and he’s sure the kid must know it because the little shit practically tempts fate with his stunts and blatant disregard for safety. And then Jean wonders how such a small kid can be so reckless and so fucking suicidal and he’s only a toddler –a daring, compassionate, adrenaline fueled, spunky, toddler. 

It’s baffling. 

More baffling, however, is when Jean’s pretty sure that the brat is staring at him. Watching him. But that can’t be possible. It can’t. 

And yet, Jean’s almost certain that Eren can see him because he catches those green-blue eyes on him when he’s up close (and he’s always up close because Eren’s a danger to himself at the age of four). The kid will watch him walk back and forth or stare when while he’s eating or stop in the middle of playing at the park and just stare in Jean’s direction. 

Yeah… Jean’s starting to think that Eren can see him. Which shouldn’t be possible. But, if it is, he might have a problem. 

* * *

* * *

At age six, Eren walks right up to him and says, “I can see you? What are you? Why are you always here? Where did you come from? Are you a ghost? Are you my imaginary friend? Your hair is stupid! And you have a long face like a horse. Like a horse face!” And it’s all said in one breath as though the kid’s been dying to say it. 

Jean doesn’t know what to do. Thinks back to the rules and is stumped because there’s nothing in the rules about this. Bout being seen when he’s supposed to be invisible to the human eye. So he does the only thing that makes sense at the time: he vanishes. 

But then he’s drawn right back because that shitty suicidal brat gets excited and goes to his friends house and, while climbing up a pair of steps that have probably seen better days half a century ago, he falls through the floorboards and then backwards. Jean moves on instinct to catch him and they hit the floor with a thud and he’s broken a rule here (cardinal rule #2: No interference), however, he can spin this as Miracle number two because life is all about the loopholes. 

Which, when he thinks about it- 

“Ouch!” The brat mutters and then turns and stares right at Jean and smiles and says with those big and bright teal eyes that lock with amber, “Thanks! You saved me, horse face!” 

Of course he did. It’s his job… kind of- wait. The brat just called him a horse face. The fuck is that? Wait, wait, wait… that’s not even important. He’s supposed to be doing a job here. As in, he’s Eren’s Guardian Angel and he’s kind of fucking up. But he doesn’t tell Eren that. Instead, he says, “You need to learn how to be more careful you crazy suicidal brat.” He pushes Eren to the side and stands up –takes a second to flex his wings because they hurt from that impact but then he puts them away when he catches the kid staring. “What?” 

“You’re an Angel! Oh man! That’s sweet! That means that those other people I see in the sky with the wings are Angels too and- dude! You have pretty wings. My mommy says that Angels are everywhere and they protect us and I told her once that I could see them and I don’t think she believes me but Armin and Mikasa do and- yeah! My name’s Eren!” It comes out quick and excited and the words run over each other. 

Jean stares. He stares and he wracks his brain because he’s already broken one rule and solved it with a loophole and he thinks he can spin this too. ‘The miracle of talking to Angels’… Okay. For both of their sakes, he’ll use Eren’s third Miracle for that purpose alone. As long as the report is clear and concise and- okay. Okay. That will work. 

“I’m Jean. Your mom’s a smart woman but she’s right not to believe you. You’re a very rare case –people can’t see us. Ever.” Jean figures that Eren’s soul is to blame for this. 

That ancient thing has probably interacted with heaven and earth so much so that it’s a bit immune to the difference in cosmic planes. 

Whatever. 

He’s, hopefully, got his bases covered. 

“Never ever?” 

“Never ever.” 

Eren frowns and the pout on his face is, admittedly, adorable. Like, baby animal adorable with those plump round cheeks and big eyes and flushed face and- and Jean wants to pinch or punch him. He can’t decide. 

The entire situation is mind boggling. In all honesty, he wishes he could ask Erwin for advice but that will show his lack of experience or inability to deal with unexpected situations and that won’t bode well for a promotion. Breaking the rules won’t either, but- well- loopholes! 

And he’s wasted two of Eren’s Miracles on loopholes… 

In fact, he’s used three miracles in the first six years of the kids life… 

“Are you my Guardian Angel, Jean? I mean, mommy says that we all have one and since you saved me and you’re here and-” 

“Yes! Yes I am. But that doesn’t mean that you can be all reckless and do whatever the hell you want because I won’t always be around.” 

Eren studies Jean’s face and frowns. “You just said a bad word…” 

Jean sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “I’m sure you’ll hear worse in the future. Look kid, we’re not supposed to be talking like this so just go do whatever it is you usually do.” Because Jean needs time to think and time to make sure that he can salvage any of this. 

“Okay. Can I talk to you when I’m done playing with Armin and Mikasa?” 

Can they talk- “Definitely not. You’re not supposed to see me.” Jean sorely wants to ask someone how it’s even possible that Eren _can_ see him. “Pretend like none of this ever happened.” 

“I can’t!” Eren protests, scowl on his little face. 

So adorable… but Jean isn’t going to give in that easily. “Then I’ll just make sure that you can’t see me anymore, brat.” 

Eren’s scowl deepens. “You’re a jerk! I dun wanna see your stupid horse face anyway!” And before Jean has the chance to retort, Eren’s racing up the steps. 

Well… in over one-thousand years, Jean has never felt so insulted. And by a brat no less. 

Oddly enough, the entire ordeal puts a smile on his face. Makes him think about the delightful bump in his usually monotonous career –one that isn’t exactly welcomed but he can handle it. It’s probably some sort of test anyway. 

Welp, nothing he can do about it aside from covering his bases. And they are covered… at Eren’s expense. He just prays that the kid won’t need those two mildly wasted miracles. Even so, it isn’t wise for them to talk so he’ll definitely have to keep his distance, lest he’s tempted to talk to the brat again. And it is a temptation because- because it’s different. 

He’s spent a lot of time observing humans but he still doesn’t understand them. Doesn’t understand why some are awful wastes of life and why some are incredible. Doesn’t understand what compels them to act or how the whole “free thought” thing works. After all, Angels have paths. They go into one of seven fields depending on their qualifications. They do their jobs –the more efficient they are, the higher their ranks. They do their duties and, at some point, those duties come to an end. Life for an Angel is as simple as that. 

Not for humans who are faced with choices and decisions and goals and emotions and chances and redemption or disparity and- Jean doesn’t understand. 

But Eren can be his way- no. No! 

Bad idea. 

He definitely needs to stay away. 

That’s that. 

#####  III. 

For six solid years, Jean keeps his distance. 

He keeps far away and listens and watches and learns and yearns because there’s something about Eren. He blames that first meeting –the one where they spoke and Eren’s bright, hopeful gaze was hypnotizing and Eren’s confident curious voice was so inviting. Jean blames Eren for giving him emotions like interest and panic and optimism and sorrow and irritation and want. 

All the more reason why he continues to stay away –to be hidden. 

For the first year, he has to endure Eren calling out his name and apologizing and pleading for him to show up. It makes him feel… It makes him _feel_. His heart is heavy every time that small voice calls out to him and every time Eren speaks to him. 

That first year is when Jean recognizes the onset and onslaught of emotions beyond the range and scope of what Angels are supposed to be accustomed to. 

The worst of it comes with year two point five when the little shit goes out of his way to do dangerous things in attempts to get Jean to come to him. During that time, Jean only has to use one miracle so he counts them lucky but there are about a dozen times when Jean almost does go down to Eren himself. A dozen times when he gets irritated and wants to yell at Eren or beg that he stop being so fucking reckless because Jean doesn’t think his heart can take the anxiety of it all (because he knows these emotions now and he hates them). 

Nevertheless, fate and fortune are on Eren’s side and the kid is truly blessed –it’s a relief for both of their sakes. Jean figures it has something to do with Eren’s soul stacking up blessings over the millenniums. Lucky for that soul because it really needs them this go around. Eren’s incredulously reckless and unaware. But, yeah. Year two point five gives Jean about two dozen heart attacks. 

Year four makes him want to strangle the little asshole who calls out to him to insult him and discredit him as a Guardian Angel. 

By year six, Eren’s pretty sure that Jean is a figment of his childhood imagination and he stops calling for him and he stops talking to him all together. Jean feels absurdly empty with that. And yet, that’s how things are meant to be. How they’re supposed to be because he shouldn’t long for a human’s voice or their smile or their frown or their insults or- well- Jean shouldn’t have the ability to long. But he does. 

It’s Eren’s fault for being an anomaly. 

So those six years are, quite possibly, the longest six years of Jean’s life. 

See, he watches Eren and wants to go to the brats every beck and call and wants to argue and wants to chastise and wants. Jean _wants._ That’s a feeling and experience that he’s never encountered before. He hates it. Loathes how it assaults his mind and makes him yearn to do things that he shouldn’t or can’t because there are rules and procedures and- and he can’t. 

All he can do is watch and grant miracles when need be. 

That’s the **_only_** thing that he can do. 

#####  IV. 

When year seven of their silence rolls around (Eren’s about 13 at that point), his mother dies. Eren’s mother dies and Jean’s heart breaks when he listens to Eren wailing and calling her name and cursing his father who’s a doctor for not saving her. Jean has to listen to the vicious tirade of Eren ripping his father to shreds with a venom so poisonous, Jean swears he’s been bit. It fucking stings. 

Stings more when Eren starts asking God why? 

Why his mother? 

Why his family? 

Why then? 

Why can’t she come back like he came back? 

Where’s her Guardian Angel? 

Where’s his? 

Jean winces at that and thinks about how he brought Eren back and how this is all his fault in a roundabout way. 

And then there’s silence for about a week where he doesn’t hear any of Eren’s thoughts and can’t read his heart and it’s bizarre. He thinks something’s wrong but he can see that nothing is wrong because he watches. Watches as Eren moves through his daily routines and ignores his father and embraces his two childhood friends and becomes a bit more careless but not beyond the scope of two miracles (which makes six in less than a quarter of his life and Jean is ashamed). At least Eren works hard at school and keeps that luck because death eludes him but injury doesn’t and that’s fine. 

But the silence stretches on and it drives Jean mad because he’s never been… shut out. He’s never lost connection and he’s never been taught about what to do if that ever happened. He wants to ask for help until he remembers that this may very well be a test. That this problem is one that he has to solve on his own. 

He lets the silence last for three more years. The longest three years that he’s ever had to endure because they feel like an eternity. An eternity of watching a television on mute. Watching as Eren shifts from a cute, pudgy little boy with a confidence that scares people away to a beautiful young man who traps those same people in his web and gobbles them down mercilessly. Watches as those ocean hued eyes never lose their luster because, despite his hardships, they burn brighter. He watches as Eren excels at everything he puts his mind to and doesn’t let failure hinder him –it makes him stronger. Makes him keep trying and keep working until he gets it (and he always, eventually, gets it). 

Jean watches. 

And he can’t take it around year 12 –seven years of his ignoring Eren and five of Eren blocking him out plus six of the Seven Miracles spent. 

What Jean ends up doing is beyond logic but he remembers the loophole he created over a decade ago. The one where Eren has the Miracle of talking to and seeing Angels. 

It’s late at night when Jean appears in Eren’s dorm room and Eren’s in the middle of stripping down because he just came in from some guy’s room and- and Jean didn’t watch what went on. He doesn’t need to. But he knows that Eren is more receptive and more relaxed after those meetings so- “Brat.” 

Eren turns around so quickly that Jean thinks he’s given him whiplash. But then, Eren is frowning and scowling and staring at him like he absolutely loathes him and Jean’s caught off guard when a spiteful, “You,” tugs from those swollen lips. 

He holds his hands up in surrender and dares to ask, “What? What the hell did I do?” He manages to get the whole question out just before Eren punches him in the face, which really catches him off guard but he manages to catch the next fists flying towards him and then, by reflex, he has Eren pinned to the bed. 

“Let me go!” Eren growls and thrashes and bucks. 

Jean winces when that sharp elbow catches him in the side. “Fuck… calm down.” Because he has no idea what’s going on but he feels as elated as he does irritated because Eren is talking to him. He can hear him again. Feels like all is right in the world. “Calm down and talk like you’re not an animal and I’ll let you up.” 

“Fine!” 

Jean let’s up but, oddly enough, he didn’t expect things to go that easily because he’s spent the last 18 years watching Eren and he remembers when that one chick taught Eren how to overpower people bigger and stronger than him. So Jean dodges when the kid swings and he wraps Eren in his arms and sits at the edge of the bed with the shitty little bastard locked between his thighs and his arms. 

“You fucking asshole, horse face! Lemme go right now or I swear-” 

Despite himself, Jean smirks because he’s reminded of six year old Eren but- “Swear you’ll what? Hit me? You need to get a grip and calm down. We need to talk.” 

Eren snorts and struggles to break free a bit longer before he gives up, “Now you want to talk? Where the fuck were you when I needed you? Where the hell do you get off showing up here and asking me to talk when you’re the one who told me we could never talk again and then you stuck to that and I tried but you- you-” He clamps his mouth shut and goes slack in Jean’s arms. 

Anger and hurt sit heavy on his chest because Eren remembers calling out to Jean for years. Remembers needing him and wanting to see him and thinking that he isn’t real and tempting him to come save him and- and Eren remembers. But, more than any of that, Eren remembers really, really needing Jean when his mother is dying and he remembers talking to him and asking him questions. He remembers being so furious that he’s hot and scorching to the bone because Jean isn’t there and Jean doesn’t answer and God can’t help so- So he cast them aside. Just like they cast aside his mother and his voice. 

And Eren will never forget. 

“I didn’t throw you away, brat.” Jean feels incredibly at peace because he can hear Eren’s soul so clearly now. Can hear it and _feel_ and he’s not supposed to be able to feel sentiments like those (it’s not part of the job description) but Eren’s given him that ability and it’s addicting. “I’m your Guardian Angel. I’ve never stopped watching you.” 

Eren doesn’t say anything and he’s not moving –just thinking a mile a minute before- “Why didn’t you help my mom?” 

“She wasn’t my ward, but you are. You are the only person that I tend to at the moment. And you don’t make my job easy, let me tell ya.” Jean relaxes his arms, lets them slide down to Eren’s waist as he props his head on the guy’s shoulder. Eren’s warmth is as comforting as the lack of silence. 

“What kind of an Angel are you if you can’t protect everyone?” Eren’s honestly curious. As mad as he is and as hurt as he still wants to be, he can’t help finding relief in the fact that he isn’t and wasn’t wrong. Jean _does_ exists and Angels _are_ real- real and assholes! 

“There are rules for this type of thing. You’ve made me break about two of the three cardinal ones and, if I don’t spin things just right when all of this is over, I’ll probably be in a shit load of trouble.” Considering the fact that Levi isn’t there to drag him back kicking and screaming at the moment, Jean figures he’s alright. “Anyway, I’m not in control of what happens to anyone aside from you but, you know, everyone has their time. Has an ending. It’s inevitable.” 

If he remembers correctly, Eren’s mom died from Huntington’s Disease. All Seven Miracles were used on her too… Getting pregnant with Eren was her last. But Jean can’t tell Eren any of that. 

Instead, he says, “She lived a good life and her only regret was that she wouldn’t be around to watch you grow up.” 

Well… there’s a semi-comforting thought if Eren’s ever heard one. His mom lived a good life… he shakes the thought because it’s too much and this entire ordeal is making him tired, “I really want to hate you, horse face.” 

“I don’t know why you’d want to do something like that, you suicidal brat. I’ve only ever had your best interest in mind. But, um, I’m really sorry about your mom.” Jean understands remorse because he’s felt it for twelve years and he feels like he should apologize for the guy’s mom because he was there and- 

Eren yawns, “S’not your fault –apparently.” Because, well, it isn’t. Not if Jean couldn’t do anything. But he’s not in the mood to get into that or become steeped in thoughts about his mom. Not tonight. So, instead- “Does this mean that you’re gonna stop being a prick and I can see you and we can talk?” 

Well… Jean does want to see Eren and he’s kind of enjoying this new thing –the whole, being close like this because he really feels connected and- and he’s so addicted. He’s attached to his ward because it’s interesting and different and he never knew that not being connected and then reconnecting after such a long absence would be fulfilling. Like, he can hear the hum of Eren’s soul and it’s so calming and he doesn’t have to just watch all of the time because he can go back to listening too. It’s reassuring and relieving and- “Sure, you selfish little shit. I’ll stick around where you can see me.” 

And really, that’s the start of his down fall. 

#####  V. 

Eren likes having a Guardian Angel. 

It’s like having a secret that he so badly wants to share but enjoys coveting all at once. After years of convincing himself that Jean does and doesn’t exist, having him close is reassuring. Knowing that he’s always been there is… it’s amazing. 

For that first year back, Eren learns all kinds of things about Jean and where Jean’s from or what Jean’s been through. 

He learns that Angels are born through blooming flowers in the Garden of Eden and Eren laughs hysterically when he learns this because it’s like something straight out of a book and he really can’t imagine Jean being blossomed into existence but it suits the guy all the same. 

He learns that Angels are divided and ranked and have jobs that they have to do and there are rules and guides and regulations and- and a lot. A lot of shit that really sounds boring but interesting at the same time. Interesting because they get to see so much. For instance, Jean has lived over 1000 years and he’s watched the world change and shift and bend and break and- and he’s watched the world through various lens. But he’s never experienced it. He’s never **_lived_**. 

When Eren asks Jean how it feels to be so old and unworldly, he learns another thing: Angels don’t usually have an abundance of emotions or they don’t know how to express them. According to Jean, they never feel the need to interact with the world on account of that. And there’s no need to feel sentimental towards humans because emotion attachments get in the way of efficiency and they create sticky situations –like the one they’re currently in. Jean thinks that that’s why the rules exists –the ones that forbid communication and fraternizing. Communication just leads to new emotions springing up which lead to attachments and it’s just bad all around. 

Admittedly, Eren thinks that Jean’s concept of “bad” is adorable. 

See, Jean thinks it’s “bad” that he **_panics_** or **_flips his shit_** whenever Eren is doing something reckless or irresponsible or he’s unaware to the point that it puts him in danger. Thinks it’s “bad” that he **_misses_** and **_missed_** being able to listen to Eren’s soul or his voice or to know what he’s thinking – ** _yearned_** for those things even. Jean thinks it’s “horrible” to feel **_remorse_** for his own decisions and actions and even worse to feel ** _relieved_** whenever he does something that he thinks makes Eren happy and makes up for the remorse. Oh, and happiness… Jean **_loathes happiness_** –loathes how elated he feels and has felt whenever he catches Eren smiling or when they spoke again for the first time after more than a decade or whenever Eren calls for him now and he can go and they can sit and talk or teach other about the worlds that they don’t exist in. 

Eren definitely believes that Jean’s idea of “bad” is adorable because it all just sounds like Jean cares about him and likes him but, that’s apparently against the rules and a problem. 

Whatever. 

By the end of the first year, Eren sort of gets it because he notices another Angel who just observes their ward and never interferes and looks bored or impassive and keeps notes. The ward is a gorgeous girl who’s addicted to some heavy shit and crying for attention and gets all of the wrong kinds and that Angel –her Guardian Angel- never budges. Never does anything to show her that the world isn’t all awful and that something greater than her cares about her. But how can an Angel show something like that when it doesn’t know what that emotion is or means? 

But, if the Angels did know and they did care, how much would that skew the natural ebb and flow of life? 

Where would freewill fall if the Angels just made everyone’s lives peachy? 

So, Eren kind of understands. When Jean says that having emotions is and talking to a ward are “bad”, Eren understands. He understands because it means that Jean can be swayed by those emotions and he can talk to Jean about things and his life and his goals and those interactions can make Jean biased. 

Angels aren’t supposed to be biased. 

#####  VI. 

By the end of their third year reunited, Eren’s watched Jean form a real, solid, personality that includes sarcasm and pessimisms and chastising and metaphors and smiling and- and a whole lot of human characteristics that Angels aren’t supposed to have. 

Or so he assumes. 

Whatever the case, Jean becomes a solid fixture in his life. Someone who’s important because he’s been there since the beginning –even when he wasn’t physically there. 

So Eren tells and shows Jean about life in his world. 

Tells Jean about what he’s graduating with and why –why humans pursue knowledge or yearn for it. (He double majored in bio-chemical engineering and genetics for the sake of medicine and his mother –to surpass his father). He shows Jean the splendors of television and gets him to tuck his wings away for the sake of going out and actually exploring the world (because he figures Jean can interact with people and the world and Jean confirms it but says he isn’t supposed to but Eren begs and pleads and Jean relents and- yeah). They go out every so often and Jean fits in –makes people stop, stare, and approach and works crowds and groups like a pro because he’s oddly charming and handsome and- yeah. 

At some point, Eren shows Jean the meaning of affection. It happens one night when they’re watching a movie and Jean doesn’t understand the mechanisms of intimacy so Eren takes it upon himself to illustrate it with his actions. 

It starts with the worst kiss he’s ever participated in. With Jean being stiff and still and not really reacting. With Eren being a bit embarrassed and questioning his own skills. With Jean asking (straight faced) what he’s supposed to do because he doesn’t get it or understand. 

Half a year in and Eren turns Jean into a world-class kisser. 

Into the guy who ignites his blood and dominates his mouth and wrings out needy gasps from his bitten and swollen lips. Jean becomes an incredible kisser and he seems to enjoy the act. Seems to like touching Eren’s flesh and licking at salted skin and mouthing at Eren’s pulse and marking Eren because Eren tells him that marking someone means that they belong to you and Jean’s a logical entity that associates “marking” and “belonging” with Eren being **_his ward_**. So Jean likes brandishing Eren’s tanned flesh with blossoming bruises. 

That third year, Eren reads the bible out of curiosity and he resonates a bit with the Expulsion narrative. Resonates with the character Eve. 

The world is their Tree of Knowledge and every new experience is an apple that he’s stuffing down Jean’s throat. 

As for the consequences… 

#####  VII. 

When year four starts, Eren has a gut feeling that it’s going to be a bad one. 

And it is, in its own way. 

He gets struck by lightning and he sees his life flash before his eyes and he sees about one-hundred lives that he’s never lived pop into his mind and play in quick succession –one right after the other- before he’s waking up to white walls and Armin and Mikasa and Jean hovering over the bed with this frightened expression. 

Soon enough, his dad is in his face and Eren’s asking, “What happened? What’s going on?” His voice sounds hoarse and awful and he feels awful. 

“You were struck by lightning… and in a coma for the last two and a half weeks.” Grisha smiles softly and strokes Eren’s hair. Makes Eren feel like a child. “You should’ve died. But, you are my miracle child.” 

In that instance, Jean vanishes and Eren thinks about the Seven Miracles that Jean told him that every person has the opportunity to have and he wonders which number he’s on and if Jean used it to save his life. 

* * *

* * *

Jean doesn’t speak to him for a month and doesn’t show up and Eren doesn’t call for him because he still understands. Knows that he’s kind of ruining Jean’s job and fucking with his promotion or whatever and it’s probably freaking Jean out. Eren knows. But he needs Jean now. Like, he knows that he figuratively cannot survive without Jean by his side because they’ve always been together even when they’re not together and Eren’s human so he’s selfish and self-entitled. 

When he’s fully recovered and he gets back to work (because near death gives him an epiphany and he cracks his own formula wide open to solve the mechanisms of micro-cellular regeneration for brain cells and tissue and he’s rewarded for his efforts), Eren calls for Jean. He wants to celebrate and thank Jean for giving him life and the chance to do something good. The chance to change the world and save millions. 

Eren wants Jean. 

And Jean comes with a heavy heart and his own apologies because he’s used all of Eren’s miracles and he shouldn’t be telling Eren that but he’s terrified that he might’ve used certain ones unnecessarily and- 

“I trust you.” Those are the only words that Eren utters before his lips are crashing into Jean’s. 

The kiss isn’t gentle –it’s pent up with passion and emotion and fear. It’s soul consuming and mind numbing because Jean is eager and angry and terrified of what he’s become –what they’ve become. It’s a kiss that breaks them down and sews them back together in perfect alignment. Something harmonious and carnal and bittersweet. 

When they pull apart, Jean tells him, “This is fucking bad and you know it. I’m fucking up your life by interfering and there are only so many loopholes for breaking the rules-” 

Eren stops his rant with a quick kiss and a devilish smile, “If you’re fucking up my life, thank you. Best fuck up ever considering I just supplied the world with a fix that people have been attempting to come up with for centuries but, yeah. Sure. You’re fucking up.” 

“This isn’t funny.” 

Eren smile falls and he stares at Jean –really stares at him. “Are you worried about not getting promoted or-” 

Jean’s brow creases and the snarl on his face does all sorts of things to Eren’s blood. “I don’t give two shits about that promotion. I’m talking about your life here.” 

Those words make Eren feel like he’s floating and he wants Jean. All of Jean. And at that very moment, no less. “What if I told you that I don’t give a fuck about my life, so long as you see it through with me to the end?” 

“I’d say you’re a reckless, suicidal bastard that should care a little bit more about your life because you do have an ending. I don’t. I-” Jean pauses –drowns in blue-green depths that make his heart feel simultaneously empty and full. 

It’s at that very moment that he remembers that Eren has an expiration date looming over his head. It’s the first time Jean’s said it aloud but it makes his heart clench and his chest ache and he feels numb. Like ice has decide to slosh through his veins and ground him because Eren- Eren isn’t forever. They don’t have **_forever_**. And- 

“I’m not going anywhere yet. I’ve got you after all. So just… just live with me in the moment. Just you and me and this life. This blip in time.” Because that’s all he really is when compared to Jean’s longevity and Eren’s okay with that. Okay with monopolizing Jean until he can’t anymore. 

Jean thinks it’s an awful idea. He knows, without a doubt, he’ll regret it. He already regrets everything –from this assignment to their first meeting and the first words uttered to each other. But there’s no turning back now. 

“In the moment…” Jean pulls Eren close, samples lips that he’s thought about for over a month. Pushes the thought of a world without Eren to the back of his mind because they’re focusing on them –there and now. 

Eren hums and tilts his head. Begs to be marked without words and mewls sweetly when Jean’s mouth goes for his thudding pulse. “This moment, yeah. I want you, Jean.” 

After all of this time, Jean knows what that means. Knows that Eren’s asking him to join their bodies and compress their worlds until they are neither Angel nor Human, just withering and gasping passions and emotions. Jean feels himself stiffen at the thought because he thinks Eren’s gorgeous when submerged in sentiments –he becomes beautifully primal and needy. 

“Alright,” Because Jean **_wants_** him too –has made his bed and has no choice but to enjoy lying in it. 

He’s also eaten about two or three dozen apples from the Tree by this point. 

What’s a few more when he’s already damned. 

#####  VIII. 

“Ah- fuck! Just-” 

Jean chuckles and gnaws a bit at a notch on Eren’s spine, “You’re the one who called for me. Who tempted me.” He cants his hips and groans when he sinks back in, cock fully sheathed and held and- “Shit.” Jean shudders when Eren spreads his legs further, which draws him closer. Deeper. 

“Jeannnn…” Eren’s whining and he hates that he loves it but Jean has him bent with their fingers threaded and he’s so painfully hard and it’s, technically, their four year anniversary. 

That means a lot to him. He’s 28 and he’s been with Jean like this since he was 24 and Jean’s gotten so good at this- at sex. At making love until they’re spent and boneless. Eren can’t believe how well Jean knows his body and his heart or the spots that, when prodded, make his toes curl and his knees buckle and his blood rush. Can’t fathom having a lover that just penetrates him down to his soul in the best of ways because Jean- Jean does that. 

Jean loves him as tenderly as he does roughly. Jean wields his tongue like a sin while uttering sweet, noxious nothings and devouring him. Eren can never get enough. Is insatiable when it comes to Jean pinning him down and flaying him open and drawing out the primeval desire to rut and feel and fuck and love and touch. Jean makes him fall apart. Jean puts his pieces back together as though he designed him. 

“Tell me I’m yours…” Eren’s pleading at this point because Jean is expertly shifting in and out and in –every thrusts hits that small bundle of nerves buried deep within and it makes his nerve endings splinter and causes his pulse to collapse into a stuttering mess and- “Pleaseee…” Eren’s seeing stars and he aches so good between his thighs as his gut twists and turns and pulls. 

Jean smiles, peppers kisses along Eren’s shoulders before nipping and marking the tender flesh just below Eren’s nape. He’s so sensitive around his neck- “You’re mine. All of you,” He whispers and sucks leisurely at reddened and sweat dampened skin. He groans with the eager and earnest slap of flesh on flesh because Jean gets lost in the sensations of that wet, wet, hole pulling him deeper. Joining them impossibly closer. 

Eren is his. 

His ward. His defiled and incredible and magnificent ward. 

Jean will do anything for him. Anything in the world. 

He’s fully prepared to take the blame when their perfect world crumbles. 

#####  IX. 

Eren’s 36 th birthday seems like a farce for several reasons. 

Jean’s watched a lot of people age over the years but Eren- Eren seems to become more gorgeous with age and he’s all grace and sinewy curves and charm and brilliance. He’s so established and his name is etched into history, has been since he was nearly a decade younger. It makes Jean recall the file on his soul and all of his mounting splendors. It’s such an incredibly beautiful soul. 

One that keeps coming back. 

One that leaves him. 

It happens an hour after Eren’s birthday –when they’re walking through the park to get home and Eren’s laughing and pulling Jean along and pushing him up against a tree and consuming his lips like they’re his lifeline. They may very well be because quicker than they know what to do, there’s a man with a gun demanding money that neither of them is carrying and Eren’s angry and mouthing off and shots are fired and- 

And Jean has Eren in his arms. 

There’s blood and it’s warm and Eren’s getting cold and his voice is raspy when he says, “Dun wanna leave you yet-” 

And Jean shuts him up with a kiss that taste of copper and gunpowder. Life and death. “Don’t worry. Don’t worry. I’ll…” He wracks his brain because he knows the rules and he knows the regulations and he knows that this is all his fault for using two miracles on pointless things and- “I’m gonna fix you.” 

No one’s ever told him that he can’t continue accessing Miracles after the seventh. No one has ever mentioned what that can or can not do. It’s not as though his powers vanish once the Miracles run out. 

So Jean takes those lips again, sucks on the plump flesh before teasing them open and inhaling until his mouth is filled with blood and two bullets and he’s spitting them to the side while pushing up Eren’s coat and staring at the fading wounds. His world comes back together when Eren gasps and sputters and coughs and leans into him. 

“Jean.” Eren’s voice trembles and he clutches Jean’s shoulder and his bright eyes are staring and worried and alarmed because Jean just- “You- I don’t have-” 

Jean’s smile doesn’t touch his eyes because he’s definitely damned but- well- he’d do it all again for someone like- no. He’d do it again for Eren. In a heartbeat. “I know.” He pushes his fingers through slick dark-chocolate brown hair and kisses Eren’s forehead. “This Miracle… I’ll just say I gave you one of my own but you gotta promise me something you stupid, suicidal, moron.” 

Eren doesn’t smile. He can’t. His vision is blurry and he feels like his world is ending but he somehow manages a wispy, “What’s that?” 

“Promise you’ll take care of yourself and that you’ll never forget me.” Because Jean’s learned a thing or two about being selfish over the last 36 years so- 

“I- are you going-” 

Jean nods and takes a moment to steal those lips once more- “Yeah. I- I really fucked up this time around. But, for you, I’m used to it. I’d do it over and over again for you.” 

“You don’t have to-” 

“He doesn’t have a choice.” Two sets of eyes focus on the short and slender man leaning against the tree nearby. His eyes are narrowed and he looks disgruntled. Looks out of place in his white suit and with that sullen face. 

“Levi… I’ve kind of been expecting you for a while now.” 

Levi raises an eyebrow but his blank expression doesn’t shift anymore than that. “I’ve been biding my time.” His dark eyes pin Eren to the ground. “Enjoy this shitty brat’s last miracle. And, hopefully, your soul’s last run. Good night Eren, or should I refer to you as Nefertiti.” 

Jean bulks and stares and wonders if Eren knows the significance of just how old his soul is and how many Angels it’s touched but he knows that he doesn’t. And it doesn’t even matter. Not in comparison to the fact that they’re parting ways and Jean can’t have him one last time. Can’t imprint upon that flesh or that soul that Eren belongs to him. Was and is and will always be his. Before he can think about what to say to convey that or anything else, Levi is manhandling him and Eren is panicking. 

Panicking and yelling, “I promise! I will never forget you, Jean. Never.” 

Jean doubts that as he’s being hauled away. 

Souls forget. 

Jean wants a miracle. 

Levi’s glance pierces into him, hooks him and makes him feel small. “Congratulations on royally fucking up.” It’s said with such a straight face and all monotone –it makes Jean laugh. 

It’s probably his last laugh as it is so he doesn’t mind laughing in Levi’s face. “You don’t know the half of it.” 

#####  X. 

Jean doesn’t spend much time in a cell before he’s brought to Erwin’s executive chambers and forced to stand in the middle of that grand gold room with impassive blue eyes trained on him. It’s kind of crushing on account that he’s always identified Erwin with a certain degree of warmth and now everything is frigid and bitter. It’s both foreboding and depressing. 

A part of Jean wishes that he didn’t know those emotions. 

“All three cardinal rules were broken –according to your report and my own observations. Why?” 

Jean has a sarcastic quip burning away on his tongue but he knows that this isn’t the place so he stills himself and remembers where he is and why. “Well… It started when I found out that he could see me. And then I spoke to him and everything went to shit from there, sir.” Which is the short and crisp version of it all. 

“Do you understand the gravity of breaking all three rules?” 

Well… “No. Yes… I don’t know anymore.” 

Erwin’s gaze narrows and he stands. “Then let me tell you. You have disobeyed the ultimate commands of our Father –to which He only gave three for this particular division.” 

Ah… Jean does understand honoring his Father. It’s a conversation that he’s had with Eren on a few occasions. He hates the remorse and shame that creep up his spine with the knowledge that he may have let his Father down. 

“Rule one is in place to protect the humans from over staying their welcome and destroying the careful balance between life and death. You did not even hesitate to cross that line.” 

“How could I? I care-” 

“That is exactly the problem. You care. You have expanded and developed emotions not meant for you. Rules two and three were to ensure that rule number one would never be broken. No emotions, no attachment, no mistakes. And you were doing so well-” 

Jean scowls because- because he doesn’t agree. “Why not? Why can’t we love and relate and grow attached to those that we’re overseeing or feel angry and petrified and want to help? What’s so wrong about wanting to see our ward live their lives happy and fulfilled?” 

“Emotions aren’t always elating and fulfilling. There are rotten apples mixed in with the good just as there are the ones that teeter at the edge. It is not up to us to make choices for our wards or to see that they live out happy lives or are punished for their misdeeds –that is up to them. They have freewill and can make of their lives what they please.” Erwin meets Jean’s heated gaze dead on, “By interfering and clinging to bias and emotion, we take that freewill away from them. **_We_** decide their destiny. That is a breach in the way that our Father operates. A kink in the machine of life.” 

When put that way, Jean feels downright shitty. But he still- he still doesn’t feel like he was wrong. Like being with Eren was wrong. He’ll never regret that. And there’s no changing his fate, so… “What now? Will I be retired? Executed?” 

The smile that settles on Erwin’s face is unsettling. “You’ll be promoted.” 

“What?” Jean, in no way, understands what the hell is going on. 

“I told you from the start that this was your final test.” 

“But I failed.” 

“Indeed. As did everyone before you when it came to that soul. Myself and Levi included.” 

Jean opens his mouth and snaps it shut, lips pursing. He both failed and he… passed? “I don’t understand.” 

Erwin recalls that felling. It’s nostalgic. “Eren’s soul is special. It’s the soul of Eve. A soul that craves redemption from the world and never thinks it’s done enough to overwrite past sins. A soul that God loves unconditionally. It is one that Father uses to show potential Archangels what it means to be human and the value of life –a test of our understanding because we cannot watch over what we do not understand. Not in mass quantities anyway.” 

“What? I thought the test was to get it to retire? I thought I was supposed to do my job without flaw and I-” He’d completely butchered Eren’s case. 

“Well…” Erwin smiles at that, “Failure is one way to learn and grow. Everyone must experience it. That aside, this test was a test of your understanding with regard to human life. In that, you passed.” Erwin grips Jean’s shoulder and offers him a grin, “As for getting Eve to retire… I didn’t think it was possible but, you’ve succeeded where we’ve all failed.” 

“What?” Jean’s starting to feel like a broken record but- but this is all too much. 

“Time moves differently between here and there. Eren Jaeger passed on at the ripe age of 87. He died in his sleep. When the soul was collected, it only had one goal. Can you guess what that was?” 

“Retirement?” 

“You, horse face!” 

Jean whips around so fast that his neck cracks. Seeing Eren… it makes his head pound and heart spin- er- the reverse. Whatever. Eren’s there and- 

“Don’t look so shocked. I’m older than you, you know. I can ask for things too. And I want my heaven to have you in it. But I was told that I had to ask or something along those lines.” Eren’s smiling and confident and he spots Erwin, which makes his lips quirk that much higher. “It’s been a very long time, eh?” 

Erwin nods, smile lighting his face with the memories. “Yes… you were David, slayer of Goliath, back when I was your Guardian. No matter what form you take, you seem to always retain your splendor.” And the temptation… yes, Erwin remembers it fondly. Recalls indulging and falling from grace, the same as Jean. 

“Yeah, well… this is it. The final version.” Eren glances from Erwin to Jean –who’s still staring at him slack jawed. “So, Jean… What do you say? Want a promotion or you want some time off in a heaven of our picking?” 

“You.” Jean doesn’t has to think about his answer. He knows that he wants Eren –knew that that would never change. When Eren smiles and walks across the room and flings himself into Jean’s arms, Jean can’t help kissing him. 

He feels like it’s been an eternity since he’s tasted those lips. 

Erwin clears his throat. “Well… you’ve made your choice. Feel free to come back at anytime. We can always use Angels like you, Jean.” 

“Yeah. Thanks, sir.” Jean doesn’t foresee himself returning to duty anytime soon. Not with Eren there and in his arms and luring him towards their own little piece of heaven. 

Not when his heart and his mind and his body are so entirely swept up and carried along by this single entity. 

Eren stares at him when they’re alone –pushes Jean down onto the ground and straddles his waist and plunders and pillages that ravenous mouth before gasping for air- “I missed you. And I never forgot.” 

“I can see that.” Because Eren retired for him. Jean feels ridiculously honored and awed and- and he’s craving the guy like he’s being assaulted by those sentiments for the first time all over again. It’s invigorating. 

Eren laughs and pulls at Jean’s lips with his teeth before licking into that ever tempting mouth. Teasingly. Slowly. Deliberately. And then, he leans back. “You’re cocky now but I’m sure you thought I’d forget.” Eren takes a second, makes sure that Jean’s focused on him –just him. “But I could never forget about you, Jean. And I’ll spend the rest of eternity making sure that you never forget about me.” 

Jean certainly likes the how the words coat his taste buds and make his mouth water. “I’ll hold you to that.” 

* * *

**END**

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that wasn't too confusing but the irony!!!! Did I pull that off well, what with Eren being Eve -the original temptress. Anyway, don't get wrapped up in any of the moral quandaries of this story (because there are a few... I think). Those aren't important. What's important here is Jean and Eren and Jean x Eren. And Erwin for being amazing. I love that guy. Love Levi too -it's why he made an appearance too. 
> 
> Welp, hope you all enjoyed the story! Thanks for reading! 
> 
> If you dug it, drop me a line or hit that kudos button!


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